The Jesus Chris represents the positive side of the universal and indestructible Chris Consciousness. He first incarnated in 2008 to join We, the Undersigned in their cosmic struggle against the forces of the Corporaton Machine Mind.

He is a ferocious guitarist and looks like a Viking. This particular Jesus doesn’t wear sandals! And he drinks lager not wine.

His counterpart, the Anti-Chris, exists exactly two hundred years in the probabilistic future where it works with Corporatoid forces in many potential timelines to repress STANKH and encourage conformity.

Like the Lord of Snaspring, Jesus Chris has a phenomenal understanding of the vibrational structuring of reality and can exploit this using his specially designed Holy Guitar to reprocess negative waveforms into positive energies. He does this with the power of undulating reggae grooves, snapping funk licks, and the occasional thunderous phuzzlord solo.

Jesus Chris recently rejoined We, the Undersigned after a ten-month sabbatical in which he travelled to the future to challenge the Anti-Chris.

ADVENTURE AND EXCITEMENT! These drove the Druidic-descended Phil “Mr Beats” Dolan to explore both the mysteries and the physical ruins of the ancient civilisations of the world.

Born in 1921 he rose to world-wide prominence as an adventuring, maverick archaeologist adventurer, being INSPIRED and INFORMED in his work by the notebook of Eigteenth Century historian and proto-archaeologist Doctor Eustace Call.

Mr Beats hit the front page of every newspaper in the world in 1944 when he re-discovered the LEGENDARY Pool Hall of King Solomon after only five minutes of searching. BEATS was able to recover several priceless artefacts from the site, and was most pleased to recovered Solomon’s very own drum kit; for as well as being an archaelogist he was also an DRUMMER. This drum kit would prove to have OCCULT-TECHNOLOGICAL properities, including a psychic imprint left by Solomon himself which translates itself upon whoever is playing it. [This music is the basis for the WtU song COSMIC WARRIOR].

It became clear that these forces, agencies of the CORPORATON MACHINE MIND, were most fearful of the discovery of this site. Mere hours after removing the drum kit and a few other preliminary items, Beats heard that the whole complex had been destroyed by the Nazis on the orders of their wealthy Corporati backers, including an American industrialist and a sub-group of the British Royal Society. HAPPILY the one item they feared most, a stone tablet at the site containing an ancient musical score with many parts, was among the few finds Beats had been able to preserve.

BEATS’ subsequent fame came with a cost: these SECRETS of this tablet, which he spent many sleeplessness poring over and analysing, it to unlock its secrets. were of such significance to the Corporati that he was hunted by assassins for the next three years. PURSUED across the Earth, he spent his last moments in his own time TRAPPED in a burning hotel surrounded by assassins, including MUZZ the IMMORTAL.

It was in this DESPERATE condition that Mr. Beats plucked a kazoo from his hip-pocket and played one part of the score — and so was he RESCUED by the ONE. The ancient musical pattern connected him with WtU in the Earth year 2008 AD. The ancients of both Funk and Hip-Hop (the Ascended Five Hundred of Mook) had surely smiled upon him!

Having RECOVERED Solomon’s drum-kit after nearly six decades in storage, Beats is capable of using it not only to smash out ice cold reggae-funk grooves, but also of venting excesses of energy trapped within the Earth’s atmosphere and ley-energy field.

Mr Beats is currently serving as WtU’s Executive Direct of Stankhnastiness having taken a step-back from performing with the band. He remains a vitally important member. See more about Mr Beats here.